Oh what a beautiful (cough cough) morning!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a parent. The love you give out and get in return is like nothing I’ve experienced.. there really isn’t a but, because i wouldn’t change anything (except getting sleep every night!). But don’t be fooled in to thinking every day is a joy, some days are harder than others.

But those days aren’t different for any child related reason so I’ve decided the bad days tend to depend on me! Yup! If I’m hormonal, sleep deprived or just not on it, then we definitely have a worse day.

Initially I was shocked at how much effort it takes to have a smooth morning and by smooth I mean getting a child to school without having 5 meltdowns. There is bound to be 1 or 2 but we’re having a good morning so there are definitely less!

On a good morning we have  all slept through the night and I wake them up at 7 am. My girl of 2 wants instant cuddles. My boy of 5 takes a little longer to come round- at this point any direct question to him will send him over the edge! I ruffle his hair, tell him I love him and open the curtains…gently!!

I start to do my girls nappy, “hang on Mum”. Oh shoot I’ve forgotten to do NAPPY VERSUS PAAANTS!!

Quickly I get a pair of pants and socks and pass them to him! Basically he has to put his pants and socks on before I do the nappy, he always wins! If he didn’t there would be a meltdown.

If he is in a good mood he will put his dressing gown on.. if he is in a bad mood he will not be able to move from the floor after putting his pants and socks on and maybe sob about needing help!

But at this point I’m normally physically unable to help him as my little girl’s favourite thing to do is step over my arm while I’m doing up her poppers, I’ve got long arms and  she’s got long legs for her age… so normally we get tangled.

But we get there and we move on to the teddy saga. My little boy has 9 teddies and a Spider-Man.  I say he can bring down 3, he starts negotiations, how about 8 Mum, no 3 is enough, you don’t even play with them down there and then I have to bring them up.. shoot why did I say that, his foot is stomping the lip is going!! Ok how about you bring 3 and Spider-Man! And I bet you can’t get them downstairs before me the babies and your sister do!

A cheeky grin appears and he is off! The babies by the way frankly save our lives! They go everywhere and have solved many a potential drama from occurring!

We venture downstairs and he asks me to wait until he’s put his teddies down so he can help with breakfast!

Now help is a funny word with kids, he is very helpful but some of the help requires adding an extra 15-20 minutes to your getting ready routine!

A prime example of this help is my boy insisting he puts on my little girl’s bib which takes ages and is never quite right but I am not allowed to help. I have to then secretly adjust it normally while I distract him by commenting on something interesting (and imaginary) in the garden!

It’s quite a nature reserve out there, squirrels, hedgehogs the occasional badger (yup one day I said badger!!) luckily I don’t think he’s ever seen a badger, so didn’t realise the impossibility of it disappearing behind a small bush as he got to the window to take a look, and yes when he saw a dead badger in the road a few weeks later he reminded me that I saw a badger! I thought on my feet and said oh it must have been a baby one!

They eventually start to eat their breakfast!

WINDOW ALERT

This is about the only time I have to make a coffee, QUICKLY. My little girl will notice in about 2 minutes that something my little boy has, is slightly different from hers, even though I’ve given them the same bowls, it may be that their spoons shine differently in the sunlight, however small she will spot it, it’s at this point I down my coffee and yell from the kitchen ” would you like a yoghurt drink” this allows me a few more moments to get the yoghurt drinks and finish downing my (triple shot) coffee.

Once breakfast is finished he has to get dressed if I let him play he gets engrossed and then he doesn’t want to get dressed!

My little girl is already sensing that he is going to get my undivided attention and starts clinging on. I try to convince her that pushing the dolls in her push chair is a good idea, ooh a bus, ooh a teddy, look a gorilla is climbing from the fence outside..

I eventually put on the tv knowing that the
hypnotising sounds of nursery rhymes of her one and only program she’ll watch little baby bum (weird name, right?) may stop her from wanting to cling on to me. If she is not able to be distracted from me then we have to try and get him dressed with her on my lap.. see she knows that my attention is going to be on my lovely boy whose patience with her is so amazing.

We somehow manage to get him dressed and then he wants to watch some tele and even though my little girl won’t of been watching her program she will get very upset that we’ve changed channel, so I try to distract her and then look at the time.. shit it’s 8.25 we need to leave in 5 mins…

So then I try to gather everything I need, crap it’s raining… everything I need has trebled with a simple shower of rain.

I take off his school shoes and put on his wellies, I put my little girls wet weather stuff on. I find his book bag and P.E. kit. I make sure I have everything I need for my little girl.. if I’m going on somewhere after this involves grabbing snacks. We are almost ready to go it’s 8.32.. I call my little boys name… come and get your coat on. NO.

Uh oh it’s one of those mornings. IM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL. We don’t really have time to have a debate so I start some tough love, bribery or a combination of both.

Oh I said I’d never bribe my kids, or give them sugar or let them watch too much telly!

All of the above lasted precisely 5 seconds!

After a two pronged attack of offering chocolate as a treat after school and reminding him that he won’t be able to use his Amazon fire if he doesn’t listen to me we eventually leave the house.

The walk is usually quite pleasant we get far too excited to see buses and we might sing some songs, sometime I like to rap common nursery rhymes, just to mix things up… this has sometimes led to actual critique from Simon cowell I mean my 5 year old boy.. correcting me on either my tone or levels of silliness.. I carry on regardless of his comments or the odd looks is getting from passers by.

We finally get to school.. normally late but before the second bell. And there we go that’s the first 90 minutes of our day!!

I should be more organised.. when I go back to work I’ll have to be!!

And parents of more than 2 children who successfully manage to get anywhere on time.. I salute you!

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