Monthly Archives: March 2017

Adoption as an Option?

Adoption as an option?
Not for me they say
But what if it was your only option?
Would you still say the same?
For me it was as clear as crystal, or how I know that rivers lead to the sea
It wasn’t a revelation, the idea was already a part of me
The process and searching seemed to take so long
Like a sad song that goes on and on
But all along our focus was clear
That the time for us to be parents would be coming near
Then there you were smiling right through the screen
We knew you were the ones for us, you were the most beautiful things we’d ever seen
And as we jumped over every hurdle I think everyone knew
That our hearts were already deeply connected to the both of you
Now 9 months since the day you moved in
Your our chaos and our calm
You can wind us up in a second, you can melt our hearts with your charm
But everyday we’re amazed by you both and how we’ve grown together
And I know that we will love you and fight for you forever

There are 5 people in our house. My husband, me, Big Pig, Little Pig and my Mum aka Gran.

People often look surprised when I say our Mum lives with us.  They look even more surprised when my husband tells them.  Living with their mother in law,  they couldn’t do that.

Thing is, it works.  If it didn’t we wouldn’t be living together.  We love and respect each other too much for any of us to be unhappy with the living arrangement.

My Mum raised my brother and I on her own.  We are decent humans.  She did a good job.  I was ill for the majority of my childhood and young adult life.  My Mum was there through it all, she remembers more than I do. She even gets out the cyst photos occasionally (don’t do it again Mum they are as gross as those bloody awful spot videos on facebook!).

We are pretty co-dependent I’ll admit that. But I genuinely love her company.  She is witty and smart. She loves a glass or bottle of wine. She loves to have fun. She can instantly make me feel better just by looking at me.  I’m pretty sure we know what each other are thinking a lot of the time.

The kids adore her and having another stable adult figure in their everyday lives has helped them settle. She spoils them like a Gran.  She has a particular soft spot for Big Pig and he for her. It’s adorable.

I don’t think I could of coped as well without her in these last few months.  She has listened to me and supported me and let me have a nap when the kids have been up all night.  She tells me that I’m doing a good job, that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and when my back is turned she is like some sort of freakish cleaning fairy and with a whiff of dettol she has steam cleaned the whole house.

My husband and Mum get on well. We rarely argue.  If we do it’s because one or other of us are over tired or unwell.  If we wind each other up we discuss it.

I don’t know if we’ll always be able to live together.  My Mum has raised her children and at times I think it is too much for her. Despite my efforts to keep the noise levels down, there is no chance of anyone sleeping through the morning shrieks of my beautiful but rowdy children.  We often talk about our options but I know we would never be far apart.

Mum if you read this, thank you, for all that you are, for all that you do.  Mothers Day is coming and there isn’t another Mother in this world that is greater than you.

The letter to my children that always makes me feel better

The hormones are deleting the patience I usually have with the kids at the moment, which then makes me feel like I’m a horrible Mum. When I’m having a tough time I always go back and read this.

A letter to my babies detailing the first time we met. It was the most emotionally charged and beautiful day of my life.

Dear Big Pig and Piglet,

We were so nervous to meet you both. I woke up at 5 am worrying and Daddy shortly after and we set off to meet you.

When we arrived at the foster carers we spotted you, our gorgeous little boy looking, then waving through the window.

We waved back, my tummy flipped and then the door opened. Piglet you were being held by the foster carer and you smiled a little but you were understandably shy. Big Pig you asked us to come in, you clearly had something to show us!

We followed Big Pig in to the living room where you wanted to show us the talking photo album we’d made you. You were pressing the buttons and looking at the photos and then looking at us. Were you trying to match us up? You just kept looking at us with your big eyes trying to take it all in.

Piglet you were still with the foster carer but you were looking at us both and smiling.

Then Big Pig, you asked us if we could all go outside. Out we went, you showed us how you could put your shoes on and then gave us a tour of the garden. You delighted in showing us 3 lumps of bird pooh!!

We then started to play football, you soon realised I was a better fan than a player and firmly told me that you wanted to play football with Daddy!

Piglet by this point you were warming up and started to play in the sand pit, so I went over and started to play in the sand too, you let me join in and started to wipe sand off my hands and bury my hands.

We then had some snack and afterwards as I was wiping your face Big Pig you looked at me and said “I love you” now of course I doubt you can love me in an hour! But I know I’m going to love you and maybe you were feeling that way too!

Big Pig, you and Daddy went back to football and Piglet you sat on my lap. The foster carer went inside and Piglet was fine. We sat on swing seat singing songs and having cuddles, it was so nice!! You were looking over at the boys playing football and after a little bit got down from my lap but then wanted me to walk with you around the garden.

Big Pig kicked the ball and you nearly hit Piglet so I said to you to be careful and you intently apologised, I explained that you didn’t need to say sorry, and you smiled then came over to check she was ok!

After quite a while on our own with you bothin the garden, we went back inside. The foster carer told you we would be going soon but would be back in the morning. Big Pig, you and Daddy made some awesome paper aeroplanes.

Then Big Pig you wanted to show us your life story book. You explained it so well. You got to a photo of your birth family. You pointed at your birth Mum and said that’s M, and looked at me, I smiled and wondered if you were worried about calling her Mummy with me there.

It was soon time to go and Big Pig you asked us lots of times if we were coming back, I said yes we would be back tomorrow, and you asked if we’d be back the next day. I said yes, every day and you did this massive smile… My heart melted!!

We gave you both a cuddle and we waved goodbye (a lot).

We drove away feeling very lucky. To have found such beautiful children whose characters shone through.

We can’t wait to see you everyday for the rest of our lives and be a forever family.

Realisations on becoming a parent!

INSTANT MUM OF TWO

My husband and I have adopted 2 amazing children. They have been with us for 9 months and are a joy (most of the time)!

Probably the most annoying aspect of having them, is my realisation that everyone was right and on occasions I was wrong.

As yes, ok, I agree…NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR BEING A PARENT!

So in a sugar coated nut shell, here are my realisations on becoming a parent and the differences between looking after children as an early years worker and having your own!

1) You can give them back!! Sorry this sounds a little harsh but what I’m trying to say is that being a parent is constant, there is no handing them over at the end of a long day!

2)I can be a little bit patronising! Yup, as an early years worker without children I’ve realised my guidance may sometimes of come across…

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What (not) to do when your family pet dies

I think I scaled new parenting heights today. I really think I surpassed myself.

Actually that’s all lies I did a shocking job of trying to break the news to my little boy that Honey Bunny had passed away.

So being a reflective type here is my parental wisdom on what not to do when your family pet dies!

1)Tell your child whilst your putting teething gel in their mouth.

I was advised by a friend to just tell them whilst they were busy doing something else. I don’t think she meant whilst I was putting teething gel in his mouth, but I was so nervous about telling him that it just came out.

2)Compare your pet to chicken or any other meat you may eat.

I can only think that I was trying to normalise the experience by saying “chickens die and they’re animals but we eat them so we’re not that bothered but we love our pets”.

3)Use the phrase “put to sleep”.

I only said it once and regretted it. I quickly then said that she died, then tried to over compensate by saying a few times that she’d died which I truly believe prompted the following conversation:

Granny  “Honey’s gone to a better place now”

Big Pig ” no she hasn’t, she’s dead”

4)Forget to read the leaflets that the vet gives you before telling your children.

They’re actually quite informative and probably would of stopped me from carrying out any of the above!

5)Plan the memorial a little better.

The receptionist at the vets suggested that we send a balloon up to the sky in memory of Honey. I told Big Pig and he wanted to do it straight away. He chose an orange balloon because Honey liked carrots, he drew a picture of himself and a carrot and I wrote how much we all loved her. We then went to a hill just a short distance from our home. He wanted to say a few words,  it was so cute. Then we let the balloon go and it popped!! He burst in to tears, the utter ridiculousness of the whole day sent me in to a state of hysteria and I got the giggles and had to pretend I was crying.

So there you go. We’re off to buy a helium balloon tomorrow.

My sister in law has saved the day and has ordered us a book called Badgers Parting Gift which hopefully undo any of the permanent trauma I have caused my child!

I really did try to do my best today but my best sucked. I can only blame me loving him so damn much that I didn’t want to upset him. So as per usual I over thought everything I was going to say and do, when in fact I should have just read the bloody leaflet and kept it simple!!

Isn’t It Ironic?!?

So yesterday morning after barely sleeping the night before, the first thing my children decided to do was to roleplay going to sleep…

Excellent!!

So with irony in mind I started thinking about one of my favourite tunes Ironic by Alanis Morissette and decided to tweek some of the lyrics..

Here it is

A little girl who’d just turned 2
She said she’d done a wee wee but she’d done a sloppy poo
It’s a sleepless night after a bad day
It’s a really smelly burp right in your face
Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think

It’s like tantrums in a quiet place
It’s a good old slap right round your face
It’s the good advice that you don’t want to take
Who would’ve thought, it figures

Miss Piglet aged 2 was always car sick
She’d be almost there then puke at the last minute
She waited the whole damn journey to throw up
And as the puke went all over me
I thought “Well, isn’t this nice.”
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think

It’s like tantrums in a quiet place
It’s a good old slap right round your face
It’s the good advice that you don’t want to take
Who would’ve thought, it figures

A jump in a puddle when your not wearing wellie boots
A tantrum in public but at home your only cute
It’s like ten thousand shoes when all you need is a pair
It’s leaving the house without wet wipes
Then you get yoghurt in your hair.

And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think. A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It’s like tantrums in a quiet place
It’s a good old slap right round your face
It’s the good advice that you don’t want to take
Who would’ve thought, it figures

There you go!

Now I found it tricky to find anything to rhyme with sandwich but my top ironic moment was when Piglet who doesn’t eat anything apart from pasta and cream cheese went to a party and ate a whole tuna sandwich!!

Whats your top ironic child related moment?

An hour and a bit in the life of Piglet (aged 2)

Name: Piglet (not real name, but Mum keeps calling me that at the moment)

Age: 2 years 3 months

Likes: Babies, yoghurt, cream cheese, pasta, trampolines, fruit, brioche, rice.

Dislikes: Any other food than what is mentioned above.

Hobbies: pushing babies around, watching little baby bum, trampolining, using tissues and wet wipes to wipe my nose (sometimes before or after wiping my bum) and cleaning up after the babies.

6.40am

I wake up early. My big brother has turned the big light on again, it was so bright and I wasn’t ready to wake up!

Mum came in and switched the night light music thing back on, “it’s too early guys, have a bit more sleep”.

She wants a bit more sleep she means, no such luck Mum.

6.50 am

After a bit more of a rest and a stretch, I call Mum, then my brother screams out her name.

Why is she sighing? She’s had plenty of sleep.

I hear the loo flush and her say “no rest for the wicked” your not wicked Mum, but you are taking your time.

6.55 am

Mum comes in and speaks to my brother first, this makes me so cross that I slap my hand on the side of the cot.

Ouch it hurts.

“Up, up” I scream and she comes and gives me a cuddle, oh that’s nice, no what is she doing, I don’t want to lay on the changing mat “cold, cold” I say and she lays a dressing gown on there first.

Ah that’s better.

7.00 am

“Poo” I tell her, I haven’t actually done a poo but she’ll start pretending to smell something horrible in the air and waving her hands around like a crazy person, that makes me laugh!

She changes my nappy and opens the cream pot “no” I say.

Decision one of the day, I can stop her from putting cream on, by jamming my legs shut.

She tells me I’m a little bit sore and would I like to have some cream, hell yeah I get ready to scoop a massive amount out but she’s clearly remembered the time she left the pot open and I smeared it all over my face.

I manage to get a dot of cream and whilst my attention is turned she’s put some cream on. She’s a crafty one.

7.10 am

She puts me in about 100 layers, I know I get cold but for goodness sake it takes ages and my brother is all ready to go downstairs.

I want to go downstairs, who needs trousers anyway, so I start kicking my legs in protest. “Come on babes” she says, “if we do this quick we can go and get breakfast”

Oh yeah breakfast, that’s right I’m flipping hungry, my tummy is rumbling.

I want food now!

I don’t need trousers to eat breakfast.

Oh she’s picked me up and is giving me another cuddle, ah feeling a bit more relaxed, oh she’s done it again my trousers are on!!

7.20 am

She puts me down and I go on a little wonder.

Granny’s door is shut but I’m sure she’s awake “Gah gah”  I call,  no answer so I better check.

I push the door open “hiiiyaaa” I yell.

Oh good she’s just waking up. Now where is Mum, I need breakfast.

Oh no I’ve forgotten the babies “baby” I say to mum, she’s carrying a load of washing.

“BABY” I’m getting cross why is she carrying washing instead of babies, she chucks the washing down the stairs and gets the babies.

The babies look comfy being carried, I want to be carried, “up” I say, she asks why don’t I bump on my bum down the stairs.

No way, she needs to carry me and the 8 babies, she’s done it before, why won’t she do it now? Can’t believe she wants to carry the babies and not me.

“Up” I scream and I stomp on the floor.

She tells me if I stomp then she won’t carry me, why is she trying to make me sad, the babies are being carried why can’t I.

I burst in to tears. She picks me up. I smile. Winning!!

7.25 am

We get downstairs and she puts the babies down. My brother is sat at the table waiting for breakfast. Mum gives him a cuddle.

Oi what about me, I’m starving, I cry and she asks if I want breakfast, of course I want breakfast you fool!

So we go to the kitchen and she tries to put me down so she can get the bowls, “up, up” and I start to cry.

She sighs, I don’t know why, clearly this is the reason Mum’s were given two hands.

We get the cereal and I stick my hand in each box to have a taste.

Yup that will do nicely. She gets milk, I remind her “poon” she gets the spoons and we go through and I sit down.

7.35 am

Something doesn’t feel quite right though, spoon – check, bowl – check, bib -what?!?!

“BIBBBBB” she’s forgotten it, I’ve just heard her turn on the kettle, she’s always switching that on!

Anyway, back to me. “BIBBB” oh there she is, what is she doing? She’s putting it on my brother, has she lost the plot?

She gathers herself and puts it on the right child, at last!!

7.45am

Breakfast begins,  after about 3 mouthfuls a bit falls in to my bib.

“Muuuumm” she’s switching on that bloody kettle again,”Mummmm”.

Then my big brother shrieks her name and in she comes. “We was calling you for ages” he says, you tell her bro.

I point to my bib “bin” I say, “yes your wearing a bib” she says.

“BIBBBB” I scream why doesn’t she understand that there is a lump of cereal stuck in there that needs to get out!!

“BIBBB” I scream again. Then big bro saves the day again “it’s because it’s dirty” he says.

“Oh for goodness sake, that’s what a bib is for” she says, I don’t know what she means by that but this cereal needs to get gone pronto, “issue” I say.

She gets a tissue and wipes the coco pop out of my bib.

7.55 am

She goes back to the kitchen and I hear the switch go on again.

I eat a couple more spoonfuls. Oh yes a yoghurt drink, I’d rather have that then the rest of this.

I pick my bowl and take it through to the kitchen “nuff” I say to Mum. “You need to eat some more” she says.

Clearly she didn’t understand me “nuff” I say again. “No babes you need to eat some more. Do you want a yoghurt drink?”

Finally, “yog, oh yeah” I say with delight.

“Well finish your breakfast and then you can have it” she say’s.

Aggghh she makes me so mad. I don’t want cereal I want a yoghurt drink. I shove my bowl towards her and stomp to the fridge “yog” I say and bang on the door.

“No poppet you need to come and have some more breakfast and then I’ll get you a yoghurt drink” she comes and picks me up and gives me a cuddle “you’ll be hungry if you don’t eat a bit more” I’m always hungry. “And if you eat your breakfast nicely, you can have some blueberries”.

Ooh blueberries; sweet, sweet blueberries.

I get down and go back to the table and eat the rest of my breakfast as I imagine moving blueberries from one bowl to another and then stopping to jam 4 or 5 in my mouth.

Good times are coming my way!