What to expect when you’re expecting adopting

I have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant. Blinking heck I got a jab straight through my tummy as I wrote that.

I do know what’s it’s like to want to be a parent and as the opportunity gets closer are the feelings we feel similar?

In the last part of the adoption process before we were officially matched. Everything seemed to hang in the balance because nothing was official until the matching panel,  where (very knowldegable and kind) strangers would decided if we were the right match for the children we’d never met but had all ready fallen in love with.

My brother and his wife were expecting a baby and everyone was so excited for them, including me.

But I also felt a bit sad as I didn’t think some of my family were as excited for us as they were for them. I soon learnt that as per usual I was wrong.

I’m not good at hiding my feelings, when I’m excited I show it and when I feel my feelings aren’t reciprocated I feel the weight of that.

Of course I was terrified that we were almost there but not quite and that something could go wrong and we would not be matched.

But my heart was already open to them and I was becoming committed to children I hadn’t even met.

I was committed when I saw their chubby little faces for the first time.

I was disappointed when I was told that another match was being considered.

I was over the flipping moon when I saw those same chubby little faces in an adoption magazine a couple of months later.

When I met their foster carer and saw their handprints and paintings I burst in to tears. They became so much more real at that point.

As more and more information was exchanged. I started to feel responsible for them, and after the child appreciation day a social worker asked if we were still committed or should they go to an adoption event? I replied calmly, we are still committed but in my head I was screaming “no they’re mine”.

If at any point something had happened resulting in the match not being approved we would have been completely and utterly devastated.

Once we were matched though, everyone let their excitement out and I realised what had happened. They were trying to hold back their excitement to protect me and possibly themselves.

Hindsights a wonderful thing and perhaps if everyone had been as excited as I was it may have made it too overwhelming.

My brother (who happens to be one of the loveliest men on the planet) and I talked about it I can talk to him about everything (EVERYTHING), even the stuff that I know might upset him.

I spoke to him about how I felt that everyone was so excited for them and the baby but not for me and that I felt terribly guilty for feeling this way.

He said;

“Everyone is excited for you. But your excitement outweighs everyone else’s. You have the connection with them already, a strong connection and not everyone has that. We are just making sure your feelings are protected”.

He was spot on as per usual.

After the matching panel I was thrown a surprise adoption shower! It was amazing. I was spoilt rotten and so were the kids. My friends had gone out of their way to get presents for the children.. it was so special.

When I spoke to my family everyone started to sound so much more excited for me and were surprised that in less than a month we would meet our children for the first time and 10 days later they would be living with us.

I still can’t decide whether I would of preferred
everyone to be more openly excited or to of held back. I also realise people should feel and react how they want to feel.

I know that how ever anyone reacted or didn’t react it all came from a place of love and for that I am thankful.

Lucy At Home

Lucy At Home
 

16 comments

  1. This was such a great read, and awesome insight into the world of adoption. I honestly cannot imagine the blend of emotions that comes with adopting children, the excitement, the hesitation and fear, but oh the love. I am so so happy to read that your initial feelings about your family were wrong and that they were all absolutely thrilled for you – an adoption shower!? I mean, how wonderful! Congratulations on your growing family ❤

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  2. I think there are lots of similarities. Even the uncertainty of if you will ever meet them and get to hold the children you have fallen in love with – I had a very difficult pregnancy and it’s a worry that I had all the way through. I love this post – it gives such an insight. I think sometimes everyone is so worried bout saying the wrong thing that they don’t say much at all about how they’re feeling, but I’m glad that you were able to talk about it with your family and see that they were doing it with your best interests at heart #blogcrush

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a lovely post. I always say it doesn’t matter whether you birthed the children yourself or adopted them – you are a mother. So many emotions that you must probably experience at this time. Congratulations to you and your family and I wish you all the best with raising those little humans.#Blogcrush

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  4. An amazing insight into how it feels to be waiting for an adoption match.

    I was adopted way back in the 80’s with my sister. I’m sure the process was very different back then. It’s not something I’ve ever asked my adopted parents “How they picked us?”

    #blogcrush

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      • I remember my adoptive parents coming to visit us in the Orphanage. We’d go to the park or for a walk etc. Then into the social workers office. We’d get read a story about how we ended up in the Orphanage and about our new parents.

        After a period of time we went for weekends with them and then went to love with them.

        About 2 years later, maybe more, we went to court for the adoption to be made legal.

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  5. Wow I get both sides of that, I’d have been really upset if I felt people weren’t excited for me. I also understand that feeling of being reserved with your feelings be l to protect someone you love. It’s tough. #blogstravaganza

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  6. Thanks for linking up with #blogstravaganza
    I hope this post helps others going through the process of adoption

    Like

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