I don’t want to go, well I do, but I don’t!

So back in January after a couple of vodkas. I think I momentarily forgot that I was a parent as I decided to book a surprise trip to Amsterdam for my husband’s 30th birthday.

I say surprise, the day after booking it I was so freaked out by the thought of leaving the kids I told my husband.  His face lit up with glee at the thought of a child free weekend.

My Mum had already said she would look after the kids and my Uncle and Aunty and my Mum’s friend were going to come for the weekend and offer support.

Now life as a parent goes by pretty darn quickly and fast forward 3 months and its a few days before we went away and I start feeling strange.

Will they be ok? Will I scar them for life by leaving them?  Of course they were going to be ok, and on a fish for support and affirmation that I wasn’t a terrible person I moaned on Facebook saying I felt strange.  A friend commented saying that I didn’t want clingy kids and that they would be fine,  this was exactly what I needed to hear, no I don’t want clingy kids, and they need to know that occasionally (very) I go away, but that I will come back.

So although feeling a physical tug on my heart I started to get a little excited, when my friends arrived who were joining us on the trip arrived I got very excited, but then we had to say goodbye which was pretty heartbreaking.  But I was ok and still excited for a bit of me time!

However on boarding the plane, I suddenly started to think, what if the plane goes down?  We are both on this plane, what If we both die!

Irrational, probably!  But as we took off I gripped my husband’s hand so hard that once I let go he did that thing you do with your hand when you’re trying to get rid of pins and needles!

Luckily it’s only a 45 minute flight so once getting off the plane and finding our apartment I soon wasn’t thinking the crazy thoughts and focussing on the ridiculous steps up to our apartment.

I won’t bore you with the details of our drunken weekend but I will say I had an AMAZING time.  As I write that I feel that I automatically have to add, but I missed the kids.  Of course I missed the kids.

I spoke about them loads, probably too much.  When we walked round the zoo (which is an absolute must if you ever go to Amsterdam) I thought about how they would love it.  I rang my Mum so much she said that I didn’t have to call.

But apart from all that I loved being me, Ali.  Who drinks a bit too much and is very silly. Spending time with my husband and great friends.  We laughed, in fact we giggled.  I peed on my own without any interruption, I’ve forgotten how nice that is and even though we were in bed my 10.30pm and I woke up without fail at 6am. It was rather nice to go to bed without the dulcet tones of my children finding new and interesting ways to distract from bedtime or let me know that they are awake.

In a nutshell I had a great time, the kids aren’t scarred for life (I can’t speak for my Mum however!) and as you were you for a long time before becoming a parent its ok to make time for yourself and to not feel guilty about it!

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