A survival guide…

(What the opposite of a P.S? Well I need one to say apologies for the ridiculous photo! What’s a girl to do when she hasn’t mastered the art of Snapchat!)

I’m off to work this weekend and I was thinking how lucky I am that my husband is great with the kids and my Mum will be around as a back up!

But what advice would I give to someone who didn’t know the kids as well as they do.

I say advice. It’s actual a survival guide. One I fail at most days. But hindsight and reflection are a friend of mine..

So here goes…

1. Remain positive at all times – they will
Pick up on any negativity and quadruple fire back bad behaviour which consists of grumpiness, throwing, hitting and genuinely being horrible

2.You won’t be able to pee alone. You may as well leave the door open, if you shut it they’ll hear from anywhere in the house and come directly to the bathroom.

3. Be ready with snacks. ALWAYS.

4. Don’t sit down, when you sit down, like when you go to the toilet they will know.

5. Noise is good, if they are silent and the tele isn’t on then they are usually doing something wrong.

6. Don’t worry too much about tidying up, they’ll make a mess a few seconds later

7. Try to say yes more than no, you think it’s going to cause more hassle to get out a weird toy that you’ve stashed away but if they are distracted then they are happier

8. Wet wipes – have a pack in each room, each toilet, take some out with you.

9.Get out – with the kids obviously. They are better outside. Even if it’s raining.

10. Did I mention snacks – honestly they dissolve most tense situations.

11. If they want chocolate give them those Swiss miniature ones- it takes them about 5 minutes to get in to.


12. They will want everything the other one has – I don’t really have any advice on this you need to be aware of it though

13. Get their boxes out. They will play in them for ages.


14. If possible give them the same colour cutlery, cups, plates, food!

15. Tickling- getting them to laugh solves many a drama occurring.

16. If they talk about the fart gun, the noisy kitty or the clock. Divert divert divert, they are the noisiest most annoying and slightly scary (noisy robot kitty) on this planet.

17. make sure you don’t run out of the following:
– blueberries
– strawberries
– yoghurts
– wet wipes (yes i know I’m repeating myself but wetwipes and snacks are key)

18. Kiss is smetter – kiss it better
Smoreberries – strawberries
Shoclate – chocolate
Sore- straw
Blue crisps – wotsits
Barry – the baby with the hat
Bernard – the tiny baby
Big baby – the biggest (always naked) baby

☝🏻these are the only things that I can think of. If she says anything else you don’t understand call me!

19. Balloons and balls – favourite toys, will solve any situation (as well as or in addition to snacks)

20. If all else fails stick on the weird mermaid program on Netflix kids.. for some reason they both love it!

So there you go. This should get you through about an hour!

What would be on your survival guide?



  1. Hey I think that you forgot to mention snacks! Lol. That’s so my life, too. I was cracking up the whole was through this. Parenting must be a universal insanity. Love it!


    • Did I?! Well let me tell you about the day snacks actually saved my life.. lol I may actively moan but I also delight in the fact that however you come to be a parent we still share the same craziness!


  2. Enjoyed reading this- really funny 😂 Yes snacks snacks and snacks – so much bribery in my house it’s not even funny! For my kids their favourite toys are non toys. Like a box, a remote, my make up bag. Anything that is “not a toy”


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