Dear Big Pig
So this morning you opened up to me and I decided to write it down so if you ask me again we can read this together; as I can often explain things better when I write them down.
Today you told me that your birth Dad was dead. That’s what your Tummy Mummy had told you.
Big Pig I was honest with you, I will always be honest with you when you ask me questions.
He isn’t dead.
I think your Tummy Mummy might of told you that because maybe she didn’t know how to explain why you hadn’t ever met him so she said that he died.
He agreed to the adoption which I think is very brave. He knew he wasn’t capable of giving you the life and love you deserve.
When I told you in words I hope you understood this morning; you hit the wall, curled in to a ball and started rocking. You didn’t want my comfort, you didn’t shout or scream, you were silent.
After a few minutes I told you about how I don’t see my Dad. How I sometimes worry that maybe I did something or wasn’t worth him changing to be a better Dad. But I know that isn’t true and it’s the same for you.
You were loved. They just couldn’t love you in a way that meant you were safe and fed and cared for.
You said to me “like when my Tummy Mummy didn’t feed me?”
Yes baby, that’s what I meant.
To know you would of been hungry literally makes me feel true sadness.
I said but she did love you, what kind things did she do.
You said “she let me stay up til when I want and do whatever I want”
I think you’re starting to learn that that isn’t ok either but is also why you find boundaries so difficult.
I explained how you need your sleep, but every now and again we will have a late night, on special occasions or holidays but most of the time you need to go to bed and get loads of sleep.
I’m really grateful you can talk to me about things that are going through your mind.
I’m sorry I cried but I love you so much it upset me to see you so sad or to know you sometimes were very hungry.
Eventually you wanted a cuddle and it was the best one yet!
Love you my super star. You amaze me.