Mother’s Day…

I wrote this a year ago, but every year my son wants to talk about his birth mother.

Mother’s Day is tinged with sadness for so many, that isn’t lost on me. I waited 34 years to be a Mother.

If you’re reading this thinking when will it be my turn, it’s coming and when it does it will be everything you hope for and more.

Here’s the poem.

Yesterday my boy told me that he’d like to think of you today,
Even though it hurts I said “of course baby, that’s ok”
He told me that he missed you, that he thought of you each day, he said he had wanted to be with you forever, then he said “sorry”.
You don’t have to be sorry my darling, I really do understand.
For 3 and a half years she was your guiding hands.
You even told me you know that she didn’t know how to look after you, or keep you safe.
But that doesn’t mean she didn’t love you in her own way.
I told you that she loved you, and she loves you still,
And that I thank her everyday for bringing you in to this world.
You’ve been pushing us, and testing us each and every day.
It’s hard to see it in the moment but I got a wake up call yesterday.
You went quiet for a while and we listened to the radio,
Then you said “but if I hadn’t left them then I wouldn’t of had you”
How mentally confusing for a 6 year old this must be.
To have lost their old; but be in love with their new family.
I’m not stupid I know this, but it’s easy to lose your way,
When you are screaming, shouting and pushing the boundaries every day.
I said “you’ve got some big feelings in your heart…”
And I didn’t know what more to say.
But when we got out of the car I said “let’s just run and play”
I can’t sometimes find the words, but the pain is not lost on me,
I do understand that for us to come together you had to lose your other family.
But that is neither of our faults and hopefully as you grow,
You’ll see that your heart is big as an ocean and there is plenty of room for us both.

 

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