I’ve been listening to an audio book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
I get it and I try but it is so hard. Because with work and parenting and everything else you have to think ahead.
With the children’s trauma and birth family you have to consider a hollistic approach so you have to on occasion focus on the past so you can create a firm foundation for their future.
So is it something that I can adapt. Can you live in the now and still plan for the future? Can you live in the now and still remember the past.
Is it an easy way out, so you don’t have to deal with any of your shit?
But that shit is yours. Love it or hate it it is a part of you and you can let it control you or build you.
I often think if my life would of been different if I had had a father.
But then I think I wouldn’t want anything to be different. Some believe in a butterfly effect. One change can cause a flutter in time effecting everything.
Imagine the impact having a father would have made on our lives. I’m pretty
But I am struggling a bit at the moment. Life seems to have plateaud and I don’t know if it is hormonal or anxiety or a mixture of both. I seem to vary from day to day. I am tired. But what is normal? Do I give my body enough of a chance, probably not.
I suppose what I can take from the power of now. Is to not dwell in the past or in the future. To appreciate what we have in this very moment.
Two happy children, rosy in the faces and because we have had a lovely active half term together. My husband who is my safe place of calm. My Mum who is my constancy and heart. My family and friends who are all such beautiful people.
If I can focus on the now a little bit more maybe my insecurities won’t resurface and I can make better choices in regards to food and exercise. Maybe I can make a bit more time for myself. Writing, listening to music. Finding some space in between the crazy top drawer on some peace and mindfullness.
“Realise deeply that the present moment is all you have”
I’m starting to Eckhart. Growth takes time.