I’m writing this not as an invitation to my very own pity party but after being told on countless occasions how people understand or can’t do much for “just heavy periods” I just thought I’d share as I know I’m not the only one who experiences this.

An ovulation cycle happens over 28 days. Pre menstrual moods and cramps are pretty standard and bleeding on average for 4 days. 

I’m pretty regular. But my period affects me for 2 weeks each month. That’s half of my life. The week before I have days of feistiness which I can handle pretty well. Anxiety isn’t so fun. I can look at someone in the office who I know and they don’t smile and I quickly assume that I’ve done something wrong in my work. I can’t bare an atmosphere at the best of time but during this week I’m like an emotional sponge and I feel everything is because of me. I then feel self centred because I’m quite aware the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

Some months it’s the tearfulness that is the hardest part, if something makes me happy I cry, sad I cry, stressed I cry. Ask me how I am and I’ll probably cry all over the place. Then I have a day where I feel quite perky, that’s the day I start my period and usually the night I dream that I’m pregnant. I’m infertile. I have my babies. I feel it’s unfair to have dreams like that. 

Most days, the week before my period starts,  I feel like I’ve had no sleep. Less than no sleep actually, I ache in all my joints and feel heavy headed. I’m sure it affects my eyesight or ability to concentrate. I zone out quite easily. Oh and the hunger. I want all the food all the time. I haven’t ever experienced pregnancy cravings, but I imagine these are what they’re like. I feel really nauseous in the mornings, so I avoid breakfast but then I’m starving by 11 and eat a load of crap.

The period starts off slow and for some reason I think it might stay that way. Nope. 3rd day is the beast. I have to set my alarm at night, double up sanitary wear, excuse myself during meetings and carry spare pants and clothes just in case. Sometimes I can be talking to someone,  and I know I’m flooding. I know it’s natural but it also feels extremely embarrassing. I feel so so exhausted. I take iron but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I don’t have any pain, well a little but just like a solid ache. Oh and the wind. Well anyone that knows me for more than a day knows how much I fart. I cannot help it. 

My periods have got worse in the last 6 months. I used to have some not too bad ones but every month recently,  it’s been horrendous. I have a cyst. Blood tests are fine. I have an appointment with the gynaecologist at the end of March. 

I want a hysterectomy. I want to be free of periods. I have my children. I can’t make babies. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke that I’m infertile yet still affected each and every month. I know I will probably have to go one HRT after a hysterectomy but I am already on 20mg of Prozac which has helped a little with the pre menstrual stuff but it’s not making much difference the last few months and I don’t want to take any more. 

I don’t want this to rule my life. I feel like it does sometimes. 

I don’t just have heavy periods. I have horrific periods and I can’t wait til I don’t have them anymore.