The monthly addition

I’m writing this not as an invitation to my very own pity party but after being told on countless occasions how people understand or can’t do much for “just heavy periods” I just thought I’d share as I know I’m not the only one who experiences this.

An ovulation cycle happens over 28 days. Pre menstrual moods and cramps are pretty standard and bleeding on average for 4 days. 

I’m pretty regular. But my period affects me for 2 weeks each month. That’s half of my life. The week before I have days of feistiness which I can handle pretty well. Anxiety isn’t so fun. I can look at someone in the office who I know and they don’t smile and I quickly assume that I’ve done something wrong in my work. I can’t bare an atmosphere at the best of time but during this week I’m like an emotional sponge and I feel everything is because of me. I then feel self centred because I’m quite aware the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

Some months it’s the tearfulness that is the hardest part, if something makes me happy I cry, sad I cry, stressed I cry. Ask me how I am and I’ll probably cry all over the place. Then I have a day where I feel quite perky, that’s the day I start my period and usually the night I dream that I’m pregnant. I’m infertile. I have my babies. I feel it’s unfair to have dreams like that. 

Most days, the week before my period starts,  I feel like I’ve had no sleep. Less than no sleep actually, I ache in all my joints and feel heavy headed. I’m sure it affects my eyesight or ability to concentrate. I zone out quite easily. Oh and the hunger. I want all the food all the time. I haven’t ever experienced pregnancy cravings, but I imagine these are what they’re like. I feel really nauseous in the mornings, so I avoid breakfast but then I’m starving by 11 and eat a load of crap.

The period starts off slow and for some reason I think it might stay that way. Nope. 3rd day is the beast. I have to set my alarm at night, double up sanitary wear, excuse myself during meetings and carry spare pants and clothes just in case. Sometimes I can be talking to someone,  and I know I’m flooding. I know it’s natural but it also feels extremely embarrassing. I feel so so exhausted. I take iron but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. I don’t have any pain, well a little but just like a solid ache. Oh and the wind. Well anyone that knows me for more than a day knows how much I fart. I cannot help it. 

My periods have got worse in the last 6 months. I used to have some not too bad ones but every month recently,  it’s been horrendous. I have a cyst. Blood tests are fine. I have an appointment with the gynaecologist at the end of March. 

I want a hysterectomy. I want to be free of periods. I have my children. I can’t make babies. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke that I’m infertile yet still affected each and every month. I know I will probably have to go one HRT after a hysterectomy but I am already on 20mg of Prozac which has helped a little with the pre menstrual stuff but it’s not making much difference the last few months and I don’t want to take any more. 

I don’t want this to rule my life. I feel like it does sometimes. 

I don’t just have heavy periods. I have horrific periods and I can’t wait til I don’t have them anymore. 

 

2 comments

  1. Love this and although I can’t relate to all…..I certainly can to some! I’ve been ranting about how I feel this week (yes my ‘womenly’s’ too) and read this while eating yet another chocolate bar! Hats off to you for sharing. I hope you get the resolve you want at the docs.

    Like

  2. Oh wow I could have written this about the periods . Mine have been horrific. House bound for 10 days a month . They wont give me a hysterectomy until I’ve tried everything.. I’m just recovering from an endometrial ablasion. Less invasive than a hysterectomy. Done in outpatients under local anesthetic. Apparently it should be life changing bleed wise . Shame about the hormonal side though… still have to contend with that !! Really feel for you . So much. Lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

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